When it comes to tackling difficult conversations, authentic conversation should be the rule rather than the exception, says Lauren Maxwell ’25 M.Div., a Master of Sacred Theology candidate at Yale Divinity School. And from what she’s discovered over the past six months, she’s not the only one who thinks so.
Maxwell, a native of Aiken, South Carolina, says she’s come to understand that talking about challenging topics — including politics, religion, and social issues — doesn’t have to be toxic. Anyone who takes the time to “cultivate” conversation that honors the experience of others, she says, can incorporate illuminating, respectful exchanges into their daily lives.
Over the past academic year, Maxwell and more than 1o0 other Yale students took part in a pilot leadership development program that offers students the tools to engage in meaningful conversation with those who offer different opinions and perspectives. The program, called the Cultivating Conversation Student Fellowship, included students from Yale College, as well as every graduate and professional school.
“So many people I know have never experienced constructive conversation as the norm,” said Maxwell, who worked as a writer and a singer prior to her studies at Yale and describes herself as an advocate of love, repair, and social justice. “We live with cancel culture and doxxing and the expectation that you have to take stances on issues in a public way.
“But when you take a public stance, you are judged,” she said. “Silence is judged, as well. And the backlash can be severe. Instead of assuming the worst, it’s important to recognize the pain and fear that might be behind someone’s decision to stay silent or speak loudly. Honoring each other’s need for safety helps build a conversation on shared humanity rather than tension.”
The student fellowship program promotes this kind of approach. Organizers say it is fast becoming the flagship program of a university-wide Cultivating Conversation initiative.
Yale’s Office of the Secretary and Vice President for University Life led the pilot program, based on a recommendation from an advisory committee of students.
“This program was created by and for students,” said Kimberly Goff-Crews, secretary and vice president for university life. “Students told us they wanted to learn these skills, and they wanted experiential learning and opportunities to practice with one another.
“This program is about skill building, habit building, and community building for the next generation of leaders,” she said.
Talking the talk
The Cultivating Conversation Student Fellowship launched last September.
There were six “modules” held at a variety of campus locations, including Sterling Memorial Library, the Yale School of Management (SOM), the Afro-American Cultural Center, and Linsly-Chittenden Hall — each centered on a different aspect of communication across viewpoints.
The program began with sessions devoted to conscious listening. David Tate, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine and lecturer at SOM, presented a tailored training session discussing the science of how conscious listening strengthens decision-making, trust-building, psychological safety, and influence.
Another session, featuring staff from Yale College Community Care and the Good Life Center, looked at the role of identity in effective communication. This module also examined cognitive biases in conversational settings and ways to be mindfully respectful.
We’ve heard from student leaders that they don’t want to shy away from challenging topics and they are eager to enhance their skills.
The fellowship program also looked at the power of questions in constructive conversation. During one session, Dan Rothstein and Naomi Campbell of the Right Question Institute, a nonprofit educational organization, guided students through the process of formulating questions that elicit thoughtful responses and create space for more points of view.
Then, the College Debates and Discourse Alliance, a national program that fosters civil discourse through noncompetitive debate and dialogue, led fellowship students through a discussion on the topic of free expression and self-censorship on campus. That exercise demonstrated how differing perspectives are essential components in addressing controversial issues and working toward solutions, organizers say.
“It was remarkable to see how quickly fellows embraced the opportunity to share their own perspectives and to listen to one another with openness and curiosity,” said Julia Hsieh, assistant vice president for strategy and operations and chief of staff in the Office of the Secretary and Vice President for University Life.
“We’ve heard from student leaders that they don’t want to shy away from challenging topics and they are eager to enhance their skills,” Hsieh added. “Through the Cultivating Conversation Student Fellowship, they practice both engaging in and facilitating dialogue, and they can take this experience back to their communities here at Yale and out into the world.”
Another module focused on strategies for bridging differences. Facilitators from the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California at Berkeley offered practical tools for understanding the perspectives of people with opposing opinions and making connections with people amid disagreement.
Living Room Conversations, a nonprofit organization that has facilitated discussions by groups in all 50 states since 2010, led the final module, in which students put lessons from the previous sessions in practice. They gathered in small groups at Sterling Memorial Library for extended conversations about their experiences on campus, their personal values, and the future.
Finding the human connection
Marco Borrego, a senior from Bethany, Connecticut (by way of Georgia), said the immersive nature of the program was enlightening — and, also, unexpected.
“I came in with an expectation of it being a lecture or seminar format,” he said with a smile. “It was a happy surprise that I would be applying what I learned almost immediately. I’m grateful for it.”
Very quickly, Borrego said, he realized that his listening techniques needed some fine tuning. “Something I did all the time was cut in, not to interrupt, but to agree with something that was being said.
… [P]eople get so bent up and consumed with forming their rebuttal that they aren’t really listening to each other. Perspective taking allows for a human connection that helps us listen and transcend the differences.
“But you want to minimize that. It’s best to let someone fully speak and then ask questions to let them know you listened. It gives the other person a chance to see if what they tried to get across actually did get across,” he said.
Borrego also noticed immediately that there were students from all parts of campus — undergraduates, medical and law students, Eli Whitney scholars — taking part with a level of focus that made it clear this was valuable information.
“There’s always a difficult conversation to be had,” Borrego added. “But people get so bent up and consumed with forming their rebuttal that they aren’t really listening to each other. Perspective taking allows for a human connection that helps us listen and transcend the differences.”
For students on the advisory committee for Cultivating Conversation, including Maxwell and Borrego, the positive response to the pilot program is a signal that students yearn to hone these skills.
“The interest was immense from the very first session,” Maxwell said. “So many voices in the room, showing up and being honest.”
Maxwell said authenticity was a big part of her own interest in the program: Are there ways to bring the full force of one’s own ethical beliefs into a respectful conversation, she wondered, without “flattening out” those beliefs?
The answer, she said, depends on the ability to listen and understand other opinions just as clearly as your own. “Doing that allows you to bring all of yourself to the process and trust the other people at the table to handle what you say with care,” she said.
Skills to last a lifetime
Organizers said the Cultivating Conversation Student Fellowship will return in an expanded form next fall — buoyed by the lessons learned during the pilot.
Goff-Crews, who thanked the inaugural cohort during the closing celebration held at Yale Law School, reminded the students that the best leaders at any level are the ones who make other people feel heard and trusted.
“Not all leaders work on a world stage,” she said. “Leadership also happens in workplaces, in communities, and in families. Leaders help get stalled conversations moving forward again and keep dinner table discussions from ending in shouting or people shutting down. These skills will play out across your whole life and help you to be better friends, family members, and colleagues.”
